Why Women Turn Into “Cat Ladies”

“Old and alone” are two connotations no one wants to have any associations with. It’s negative and hints that you’re washed up and no longer useful to anyone. And no other horrible term defines that as the phrase “cat lady”, carrying the stigma that you’re “old” because you have no friends but cats and they’re the only ones who can fulfill your loneliness. So when my boyfriend’s 20-year-old daughter called me a “cat lady” I was mortified. First of all, I don’t consider myself “old”, I’m in my mid-40s and I never considered myself a “cat lady” as I’ve always been around animals since I was a kid. In elementary school, they called me “bug lady” because I would catch bugs and play with them. Not sure why I had an affinity towards animals and even wanted to be a veterinarian before I wanted to be come a software engineer, so I was already around animals. I even had a horse I temporarily took care of on a ranch. But when I was at my grandmother’s house, there were dozens of stray cats when just opening our door, they would come running in from afar because they believed the sound to be associated with food, so I fed them.

But that particular day I was called a cat lady bothered me. Hell, it’s been like a month and I’m still stewing about it. But then I thought, “Omg am I turning into a cat lady?! What makes me a cat lady?” The 3 cats I have were definitely obtained just from circumstances unrelated to my age or fear of loneliness. During the pandemic I had a really good work from home job and moved into a new place. However, immediately, before I even got my things moved in good, I saw mice. New York, gotta love it. being the Southern person I am, the first solution I thought of was to get a cat since I had no pets at the time. So then I thought, since I need a cat, I may as well get a breed I always wanted and a Siamese it was. So I set out looking for a Siamese cat at my local shelters, but to my surprise I found none because they were getting snatched up so fast. People were adopting pets like never before. Indeed from loneliness for them, but I needed a mouser! Here I was trying to find a cat “to hire” to take out the mice in my apartment.

Being unable to find a Siamese cat at a shelter, I bit the bullet and looked for a breeder and found one in Long Island, but she told me she didn’t have any available. Bummer. After 4 months of coming to dead ends looking for a Siamese, I gave up and settled for a “Siamese-colored” cat from a shelter. After some time, a shelter contacted me back and said they had one, but also told me that it was “a bonded pair” with a tuxedo-colored cat. I didn’t want two cats as I only needed one mouser but exhausted from looking, I took an Uber out to Queens, and adopted both the 7-month old kittens anyway and named them Emet and Diva. Emet, the “Siamese-colored” one that I wanted, turned out to be a horrible cat actually as he stayed under the couch, along with Diva for 3 months and completely hated people.

He would never let me touch him. So not only did I not get my Siamese, but I also didn’t get a cat; I got a free-loader. I even called the shelter back to return him a month in, there were other things wrong with him too that I found out but that’s another story, but the shelter never replied back. Oh well, whatever.

Three months later, I received a phone call from the Siamese breeder that I had initially contacted and she had a kitten ready. Honestly, I had completely dismissed the breeder because I wasn’t expecting her to call back with a litter as I now already had two new shelter cats. Diva turned out great and is cool, but Emet still lives under the couch and doesn’t come out. I should have declined the offer but once I saw her bundle of kitten joys, and my relief of finally finding a Siamese, I couldn’t pass it up. I wanted one with the darkest face but the breeder let me know that Siamese change colors so the darkest one may not always stay that way. So I chose the one with the darkest face anyway and hoped for the best. I put down my deposit of $1300 and took the Long Island Railroad to go pick her up. I named her Sasha. If women supposedly get a bunch of cats out of loneliness, then hell, that’s some expensive companionship!

So in a span of 3 months, I went from 0 cats to three and it had nothing to do with my age or being lonely. I simply needed a mouser and love Siamese cats. I only wanted two, but ended up with a third wheel simply because of semantics and it’s probably like that for most “cat ladies”. I think the percentage of women out there who just collect cats out of loneliness makes the least of the percent of cat owners and I’m willing to bet those are just women who collect the neighborhood strays and ferals because they’re free. I tend to believe most women who just genuinely like cats, or “collect” cats is because cats are like Pokemon, they come in a variety of shapes and colors and you just gotta collect them all.

Spoiled kittehs enjoying their new cat tower.

I only ever actually owned three other cats in my life, a tortoise shell named Allie who I got as an adoption when I was 20-something because her owners abandoned her at the veterinary hospital doorsteps I was working at at the time. And another named Grandpa which was a white Persian no one wanted at a pet store I worked at. Called him Grandpa because he looked like an old man, which is why I guess no one at the pet store wanted to buy him. He was just a bad looking Persian. And the third named Trece which was also a shelter adoption, but I didn’t get along very well with that one because it kept peeing on me. Yes, the cat would specifically come close to me and specifically pee on me. I have no idea what was up with that as the cat had been spayed. But anyway, I had those three cats at different times in my life so it’s not like I have an obsession with cats. I just also find them to be very therapeutic. They do stupid and goofy things that make me laugh.

Emet is a man cat of distinguished taste. He sits upright and jumps in the carrier on his own because he’s ready to go!

They also seem to know when I’m not feeling particularly well and they come wrap up in a ball beside me. When I had covid, Sasha made it her point to lay on me the entire time, even when I was sleep. No one else in the house came near me, but everytime I woke up between dazes, Sasha was there laying on me, staring in my face as if checking if I was ok. She definitely helped to keep my spirits up as I would giggle everytime I peeked my eyes open and she was still there staring in my face. So Sasha and Diva turned out to be great cats, except Emet of course. I’ve had all three of them for four years now, and Emet is still anti-social and genuinely hates people, except for when food is involved. He does come to me now to be petted, but if I move too quickly he jumps and runs away. My cats are truly comics though, so I call them the Three Musketeers. I don’t see how anyone wouldn’t like cats.

So there you have it. Why women (or at least this woman) become cat ladies and it has nothing to do with being discarded by society and it’s simply because cats are cute, natural comedians and therapeutic. Ironically, I do plan on getting another Siamese (because Siamese just look cute as twins) and an Oriental Shorthair, because who wouldn’t want a majestic-looking cat that looks like an NPC that’s about to grant you a quest. I have a bias towards exotic looking cats because they just look elegant. So yes, I am an exotic cat lady. 🦉