Category: Writing

Posted on
by

I’m seeing a lot of posts on social media attempting to tie the Palisades, California wildfire to climate change, so I had to respond. Please stop. This is simply not true. “Inferno” is California’s natural climate.

I used to live in Silicon Valley (San Jose) in the early 2000’s and I can tell you that the weather in Cali is dry, arid and not for the weak. There were days when we weren’t even allowed to use water hoses to wash cars or water lawns because water shortage was just the way it was out there. Water has to be irrigated from other places and transported to other parts of the state, so since abundant water isn’t native to those parts of Cali, water had to be artificially brought in and conserved for more necessary things. Yes, there are curfews on water there. High winds and wildfires are California’s natural climate, so anything that lives outside easily dries out, becomes brittle and fire fuel. Especially plants. California didn’t get three deserts by osmosis.

Both the Santa Ana winds and wildfires are also both completely normal annual phenomenon that have been going on since likely the creation of the North American continent, but definitely long before colonists invaded it to form California. The state has wildfires all the time, hell, even I was in a few when I was in Sunnyvale. I hadn’t watched the news so in my first wildfire, I was completely confused when I walked out my apartment only to step into a cloud of smoke and have ash raining down on me. After a few years in Cali, I got used to it though. I remember driving by small walls of flames just to get to class and passing firefighters on the side of the road standing by spraying it with retardant and making sure it didn’t make it to the road.

I believe the fires are a combination of poor agricultural practices in the early years of the state from over-clearing of trees, farming and poor handling of nearby forests by the current state and local governments. Basically, poor maintenance of the land, just like what caused the Dust Bowl.

In the mid 1800s, European invaders started heading West in search of resources and the Gold Rush. Mines were built in search of gold and other minerals and logging was also a thing going on, which led to a large deforestation of trees and brush. Of course, the invaders never put those trees back, so today the forests atop the mountains and hills in California are far more sparse than they originally were.

By the 1900s, the forests became extremely damaged from all the deforestation from the logging and mining, creating large gaps and barren clearings in areas that were once completely carpeted by trees. Densely packed trees create a natural fire barrier that slows spread, but due to these man-made clearings, fire creeps along the ground covered in dried-out grass, causing it to spread much faster and wider than it normally would. The cutting of the trees also leaves behind debris along the ground called “slash” which are dried out branches and leaves that are highly flammable. This is the “brush” that people are claiming the California government failed to clear regularly as dead tree branches fall year-round to the ground, becoming natural tender for wildfires. Brush-clearing and regular controlled fires have to be done consistently to keep wildfires from spreading and threatening nearby cities.

For decades, California has been holding this natural phenomenon of wildfires back, but this time, they got caught with their pants down and Mother Nature’s fires have come back to reclaim her land. Wildfires, aren’t going to stop wildfiring, just because you put your house in front of it.

So, make no mistake that the fires affecting the Palisades and surrounding cities in California, aren’t the result of climate change, but the state paying the price from greed leading to excessive deforestation for logging, farming and mining from 200 years ago.

Where there’s yin, there’s yang. ☯️

Posted on
by

The legacy of slavery in the United States extends far beyond its official abolition, permeating modern American society in ways that are often overlooked or unrecognized. This essay examines nine practices rooted in slavery that continue to shape American culture and institutions, highlighting the need for critical examination of our shared history and its ongoing impact.

Tipping culture, a widespread practice in the service industry, has direct links to the post-Civil War era. Following the abolition of slavery, many formerly enslaved individuals found employment in service sectors, where employers often refused to pay wages, instead relying on customer tips. This system, which shifts the burden of fair compensation onto consumers, remains a contentious issue in contemporary America, perpetuating economic instability for many workers.

The prison labor system, enabled by a loophole in the 13th Amendment, continues to disproportionately affect Black Americans. This practice, which allows for unpaid or severely underpaid labor by incarcerated individuals, bears a striking resemblance to slavery-era exploitation and raises serious ethical concerns about the modern criminal justice system.

Agricultural practices, particularly in the South, still reflect methods developed during the plantation era. These techniques, while historically productive, often prioritize profit over sustainability and equitable labor practices, perpetuating systemic inequalities in rural communities.

The culinary tradition of soul food, while celebrated as a vital part of American cuisine, has roots in the resourcefulness of enslaved Africans who created nourishing meals from meager provisions. Recognizing this history is crucial to understanding the cultural significance and resilience embedded in these dishes.

American musical genres such as blues, jazz, and gospel emerged from the musical traditions of enslaved Africans. While these art forms have gained worldwide recognition, it is essential to acknowledge their origins in struggle and resistance, and to ensure that Black artists continue to benefit from their cultural contributions.

Linguistic patterns, particularly African American Vernacular English (AAVE), can be traced back to the era of slavery. Despite its rich history and linguistic validity, AAVE continues to face stigmatization, often serving as a basis for discrimination in educational and professional settings.

The practice of African Americans bearing surnames of former enslavers remains common, serving as a persistent reminder of a history that sought to erase individual identities. This naming convention represents a complex aspect of African American heritage, intertwining family histories with a painful past.

While no longer legally sanctioned, de facto racial segregation and discrimination persist in housing, education, and employment. These systemic inequalities, rooted in policies and practices that emerged during and after slavery, continue to impact communities of color, perpetuating cycles of poverty and disadvantage.

Lastly, some scholars argue that modern policing methods, particularly in the South, evolved from slave patrols used to control enslaved populations. This historical context continues to influence law enforcement practices and community relations, contributing to ongoing tensions and distrust between police and communities of color.

In conclusion, the impact of slavery on American society remains profound and far-reaching. These nine practices demonstrate the deep-rooted nature of slavery’s legacy in various aspects of American life. Recognizing and addressing these ongoing influences is crucial for fostering a more equitable and just society. As we continue to grapple with issues of racial inequality and social justice, it is essential to understand how these historical practices continue to shape our present and future, and to work actively towards dismantling systems of oppression that have persisted for far too long. 🦉

Posted on
by

The path to hell is paved with good intentions, and white people have left a road of destruction whereever they’ve traversed.

The path to hell is paved with good intentions is how the saying goes, and nowhere has that saying ran truer than when Europeans came out of the caves of the Caucasus Mountains, out into the already developed world and discovered brown people. But when it comes to “charity” given by modern day white people to non-white people, majority of the time, it ends in disaster for those they claim to be “helping”, leaving a path of destruction, poverty, broken families, chaos, usurped land, and erasure of culture and spreading the shadow of sameness across other societies whether they conformed to their demands or not. This phenomenon has spread wherevever white people have conquested from the Far East of India and the Phillipines, to the Black population of the United States. It’s called The White Man’s Burden, and it has very colonial roots that still rages on today even in the United States, hidden subtlely behind things like everyday coloquialisms, evangelism, mercenaries and even in politics behind both the Democratic and Republican parties. It is a tool of destruction used to confuse and cause chaos. There is a YouTube video made several years ago of a white man who went to Africa to teach an indigenous village there about homosexuality even when the people there looked visibly confused. The indigenous man there repeatedly said a man-and-man relationship, is not something in their concept, but the white man who appeared to be American just kept pushing the topic on him. There is another video of a white man going to Africa and giving the indigenous people there American chocolate knowing full well that American processed sugar is highly addictive. And we’ve all seen how white people seem unusually attracted to adopting a high number of African and Haitian children, in which some instances, the children were actually “purchased” and were stolen from their real families by kidnapping or tricking their parents into signing contracts they had no way of understanding that it meant they were giving their children away, never to be seen again. There is no reason for these white people to go there and do these things knowing full well the havoc these concepts have wrought to America and around the world to those exposed to their “culture”. White people who go to Africa to do this kind of thing, should be punished and barred from the continent, but of course, we all know no such thing will happen. It is instances like this which is why countries like China bar any outside influence from their countries. This is also why many Asian cultures still have their strong culture, because they fought off the European and American invasions and Westernization tactics and why Black Americans in the United States still struggle today. People can get mad all they want, but make no mistake, the constant exposure to white influence with no ability to turn it off, is a detriment and a distraction to the American Black population. So, while white people, and their history books and sources, would say that the concept no longer exists, the thing is with history is that the events of the past never actually go away, but just get, morphed and dispersed in tiny pieces, weaving itself into the present day culture, so the concept of The White Man’s Burden, is very much still alive today, even in the United States.

The concept of “The White Man’s Burden,” popularized by Rudyard Kipling’s 1899 poem, encapsulates a controversial ideology that emerged during the height of Western imperialism and colonialism. This notion posited that it was the moral duty of Western nations to civilize, Christianize, and bring progress to non-white societies deemed less developed. While the phrase gained prominence through Kipling’s work, its earliest known usage dates back to an 1865 Methodist newspaper:

“The White Man’s Burden” by Rudyard Kipling

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
Send forth the best ye breed — 
Go, bind your sons to exile
To serve your captives’ need;
To wait, in heavy harness,
On fluttered folk and wild — 
Your new-caught, sullen peoples,
Half-devil and half-child.

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
In patience to abide,
To veil the threat of terror
And check the show of pride;
By open speech and simple,
An hundred times made plain
To seek another’s profit,
And work another’s gain.

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
The savage wars of peace — 
Fill full the mouth of Famine
And bid the sickness cease;
And when your goal is nearest
(The end for others sought)
Watch sloth and heathen Folly
Bring all your hopes to nought.

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
No tawdry rule of kings,
But toil of serf and sweeper — 
The tale of common things.
The ports ye shall not enter,
The roads ye shall not tread,
Go, make them with your living,
And mark them with your dead.

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
And reap his old reward:
The blame of those ye better,
The hate of those ye guard — 
The cry of hosts ye humour
(Ah, slowly!) toward the light: — 
“Why brought ye us from bondage,
Our loved Egyptian night?”

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
Ye dare not stoop to less — 
Nor call too loud on Freedom
To cloak your weariness;
By all ye cry or whisper,
By all ye leave or do,
The silent, sullen peoples
Shall weigh your Gods and you.

Take up the White Man’s burden — 
Have done with childish days — 
The lightly proffered laurel,
The easy, ungrudged praise.
Comes now, to search your manhood
Through all the thankless years,
Cold, edged with dear-bought wisdom,
The judgment of your peers!

This ideology served as a justification for the conquest and rule of foreign lands, annexation of territories like the Philippines after the Spanish-American War, and various imperialistic actions under the guise of moral responsibility. The concept primarily targeted African nations, Asian countries (particularly in South and Southeast Asia), Pacific Island nations, and indigenous populations in the Americas and Australia. Essentially, it was applied to non-white populations globally that Western powers considered “uncivilized” or “primitive.”

Although the explicit concept of “The White Man’s Burden” is now widely recognized as racist and outdated, some argue that its underlying ideology persists in various forms. These include neo-colonial economic policies, foreign aid programs that impose Western values and systems, military interventions justified as “humanitarian,” and cultural imperialism through media and technology. While few groups openly espouse this ideology today, some conservative think tanks and political groups may still promote ideas that echo aspects of this concept, albeit not explicitly.

The legacy of “The White Man’s Burden” continues to shape international relations, development policies, and racial dynamics. Critics argue that some foreign aid programs still reflect a paternalistic approach, while international financial institutions have been accused of imposing Western economic models on developing nations. The global spread of Western popular culture and values is sometimes seen as a form of cultural imperialism, and debates continue about the role of Western educational models in non-Western countries. Additionally, the dominance of Western tech companies in developing markets raises questions about digital colonialism.

This historical concept’s impact affects various racial and ethnic groups globally, particularly African and African-diaspora populations, Asian and Asian-diaspora populations, indigenous peoples worldwide, and Latin American populations. While the explicit ideology of “The White Man’s Burden” is no longer accepted in mainstream discourse, its historical impact continues to influence global power dynamics, economic relationships, and cultural exchanges.

The ongoing process of decolonization in various spheres — intellectual, economic, and cultural — is in part a response to this historical legacy. As the world grapples with issues of global inequality, cultural preservation, and sustainable development, the shadows cast by concepts like “The White Man’s Burden” continue to inform discussions and shape policies. Understanding this history is crucial for addressing current global challenges and fostering more equitable international relations. 🦉

Posted on
by
Wikimedia Commons

The Black psychiatrist who said that white people enslaved themselves through colonization

Frantz Fanon, born in 1925 in Martinique, was a towering figure in post-colonial studies, whose work has profoundly influenced anti-colonial liberation movements worldwide. His experiences as a member of the Free French Army and as a psychiatry student in France, where he wrote his dissertation on the psychological effects of racism, laid the groundwork for his seminal texts. Fanon’s writings, particularly “The Wretched of the Earth” and “Black Skin, White Masks,” delve into the psychology of colonization and the path towards decolonization, offering a blueprint for social movement and liberation.

Fanon’s insights into the colonial condition are not merely historical but resonate with contemporary struggles against oppression and racism. His analysis of the colonized’s psychological state, marked by inferiority and a fractured identity due to the imposition of a foreign culture and values, remains relevant. Fanon argued that the path to liberation was not only through physical struggle but also through reclaiming one’s identity and culture from the colonizer’s narrative.

One of Fanon’s most influential ideas is the concept of violence as a necessary force in the process of decolonization. In “The Wretched of the Earth,” he posits that colonialism itself is violence in its most extreme form, and thus, the colonized’s violence against the colonizer is an inevitable and justified response in the struggle for freedom. This perspective was controversial but underscored the depth of Fanon’s commitment to the liberation of oppressed peoples.

Fanon’s work also critically examines the role of the intellectual in the post-colonial context. He cautioned against the post-independence elite adopting the colonizer’s mindset, leading to a neocolonial condition where the newly independent nation’s rulers exploit their people in ways similar to the former colonizers. Fanon advocated for a radical restructuring of society to truly liberate the masses from the chains of both foreign and domestic oppression.

Despite his premature death from leukemia in 1961 at the age of 36, Fanon’s legacy endures. His writings continue to inspire and challenge scholars, activists, and thinkers across the globe. Fanon’s call for a new humanism, free from the shackles of colonialism and racism, remains a powerful vision for a more just and equitable world.

Fanon’s influence extends beyond his written work; he has become a symbol of the struggle against oppression in all its forms. His life and work serve as a testament to the power of revolutionary thought and the enduring fight for dignity, equality, and freedom. As the world continues to grapple with the legacies of colonialism and the ongoing realities of racial injustice, Fanon’s insights offer a critical lens through which to understand and challenge these complex issues. 🦉

Citations:
[1] https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/frantz-fanon/
[2] https://www.milleworld.com/best-frantz-fannon-essays-to-read/
[3] https://www.123helpme.com/topics/frantz-fanon
[4] https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/12/06/frantz-fanons-enduring-legacy
[5] https://monoskop.org/images/0/05/Fanon_Frantz_Toward_the_African_Revolution_1967.pdf

Posted on
by
W.E.B. DuBois
A Critical Response Essay of W.E.B. DuBois’ “The Souls of Black Folks”

In 1903, W.E.B. DuBois, a prominent civil rights activist, published his essay, “The
Souls of Black Folk” where he analyzes his life as a Black man in the United States. In the
essay, he calls out the hypocrisy of white Americans because it had been nearly 40 years
since Emancipation, but they continued to violate the Constitution by manipulating,
reneging on agreements, and resorting to terrorism, and murder to prevent Black
Americans from utilizing their fairly won rights to evolve out of servitude. In turn, DuBois
said this was robbing the country from receiving the great contributions that Black people
could bring. This narcissistic and animalistic behavior of white Americans, drove a rift
between the two races which DuBois describes one side of the rift as “the veil” with
constant references to shadows and darkness, and the other side beyond it as where white
people dwell with its “dazzling opportunities” as just “the other world”. But he did not
desire to live in the other world’s opportunities and sought to live above it, repeatedly
referring to that region as “blue” or “blue sky. DuBois claimed that Black people were gifted
with a “double consciousness” which caused them to look at themselves through the eyes of
white people and measure their self-worth based on how they perceived them, but the
Black soul also wrangled with being both a Negro and American, not willing to sacrifice one
for the other. Despite this spiritual turmoil, he believes it is the desire of Black people to
create and give to the world that is the strivings of the souls of Black folk.

However, DuBois’ magical thinking is naïve because he severely underestimates the
hatred white society had for Black people. Malcolm X always saw it and Martin Luther King
saw it too late that the white man hates the Black man more than he loves freedom.
DuBois romanticizes about “fostering and developing the traits and talents of the
Negro … in large conformity to the greater ideals of the American Republic” in the hopes
that Blacks and whites “may give each to each those characteristics both so badly lack”. He
has this idea that Black people will somehow gain the favor whites, if they were allowed to
show their skills. While I respect him as an elder, I do not agree with his ideology. History
has shown us several times, that no matter how much Black people contribute, even to the
point of building a nation from the ground up, Western society will always exploit Black
people because they are concerned about their own image. This has made people apathetic
and comfortable to exploiting Blacks, stealing their innovations and then writing them out
of history as if they contributed nothing.


History is taught to not repeat it, so as dystopian as it may sound, it makes more
logical sense for Black people to ignore white society and keep their innovations to
themselves to advance their own communities. DuBois even makes this point, when he
says, “A people thus handicapped ought not to be asked to race with the world, but rather
allowed to give all its time and thought to its own social problems”, but I also feel this is
him struggling to be true to his Negro side, while also appeasing his American one. It is
bewildering to me, why he toils so much to appease white society after hundreds of years
of bastardy against Negro women and other acts of terror. Any sane person would want to
separate as far as possible from their captor, so this was likely from trauma.


I believe that DuBois, like many Blacks back then and now, suffered from Stockholm
Syndrome, which was then carried down through the generations. The “syndrome” was
coined by criminologist Nils Bejerot which he described the following traits in victims: The
person would experience something terrifying that just comes suddenly and they are
certain death was a possibility. They experience where they are treated like a child and
must ask for permission. Their captor performs small acts of kindness that prompt a
“primitive gratitude for the gift of life” and they are in denial that their captor has put them
in this situation; in their mind they think the person is going to allow them to live. But
Bejerot additionally noted that Stockholm Syndrome also affects the captor in that they
believe their victim enjoys their captivity (Westcott, By Kathryn. “What Is Stockholm
Syndrome?” BBC News, 21 Aug. 2013, www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22447726). White
society too thought Black people enjoyed slavery and those who tried to escape were
diagnosed with drapetomania. I think we can say these are all experiences that Black
people in DuBois’ time endured, living under the terrorism of white people for over 200
years and has continued today in some aspects of modern Black society.


In conclusion, I disagree with DuBois’ “double-consciousness” because it is not a gift,
but the symptom of one experiencing something so traumatic that they lose themselves in
its void. Racism is a construct that defies all human logic, so Blacks should not adjust their
lives to coddle it and everything they do should unapologetically be for the upliftment of
the Black community no matter what anyone thinks. No amount of pandering will ever be
enough for white society to accept Blacks because they would rather scorch the earth and
rebuild the world on top of our charred bones with our innovations, than to give us any
kind of credit for any of it. 🦉

Posted on
by

A Critical Response Essay of Audre Lorde’s “I Am Your Sister”

In Audre Lorde’s essay, “I Am Your Sister”, she talks about many aspects of recognizing our differences and not ignoring them, but she also describes the dichotomy between the plight of Black and white feminists. While both fight for women’s rights, it is not a unified front. She explains that issues that are uniquely experienced by Black women are omitted from the conversation of women’s rights because white feminists do not share the space with others outside of their race nor do they feel any comradery with them. Lorde even goes as far as saying, that white women don’t see Black women and other women as color as women at all. Black women are fighting for injustices such as lower wages, poorer healthcare, and other inequalities unique to them to be abolished. However, whether white feminists realize it or not, they use their privilege of race, class, age, and sex, to fight for a seat of power within the patriarchy of white supremacy, rather than truly fighting against it. In many ways, white feminists have made themselves just another face of white supremacy. This is unfortunate because instead of being one entity pushing forward for women’s rights, the selfishness of the white feminist movement pushes the entire movement for all women several steps back. This is largely due to that white women consistently keep in place the systematic problems that affect Black women and their families.

Classism directly affects the difference between white and Black women’s rights because in a capitalistic world, where people can purchase their audience, whoever has the deeper pockets, and not the more humanitarian intent, can afford the larger platform to amplify their cause. In Lorde’s essay, she uses a relatable example of poetry written on pen and paper being the medium of choice by poorer communities because it’s cheap, portable, and easily accessible as opposed to an expensive typewriter that wouldn’t be as easily available to those without the financial means. In this day and age, we can still see this same equivalence in the media, where poorer Black activists, artists, etc. have to rely on gaining a slow and steady following for their movements through social media or grassroots events, while people with deeper pockets can just buy a speaker spot at an event, or pay to be on Joe Rogan or even pay an influencer to spread their cause faster and wider. Or if they’re white, blonde, blue-eyed, and pretty enough, they can get a spot on Good Morning America with no higher education than high school. We saw this grossly played out on a worldwide stage with Elon Musk’s purchasing of Twitter, turning it into his personal megaphone and Mark Zuckerburg also axing Black activists’ Facebook pages for “hate speech”.

I agree with Lorde’s notion of ageism that if the younger generation finds the older generation in contempt, then they are destined to repeat the same mistakes because they don’t reach out to the old for guidance. We see this today with millennials and other generations having disdain for the boomer generation for buying up real estate for pennies and then reselling it to everyone at exorbitant prices. All while this same boomer generation, also owns the cooperations and hasn’t raised wages to keep up with inflation since the 70s, but telling everybody to stop being lazy and work in the same breath. Unfortunately, this is really a white issue in the sense that Black people didn’t own any homes, businesses or real estate to begin with, but the fallout from white peoples’ problems, once again overflowed into the Black community and now we have Black youths not listening to the older generation, just because it’s what’s popular and loud among the white population.

Womens Rights March 2017

Race greatly increases the divide between Black and white feminists, because there are factors in the Black community that white women ignore since they don’t affect them. They don’t see the Black woman’s angst of protecting their children from street violence, the education system, or law enforcement as their problems, so those conversations are never heard of when addressing women’s rights, and Black women are often left fighting for those on their own. As a result, this puts white women as a problem for Black women because they will continue to do things such as voting for more law enforcement and politicians that are against Black people’s interests and puts the Black family at further risk; 53% of white women voted for Trump! When Black activist Angela Peoples was interviewed about her viral sign at the Women’s March in 2017 among the sea of pink vagina hats worn by the white women at the event, she responded “I don’t think it’s a matter of White women becoming interested in our issues; I need them to recognize they are implicit or complicit benefactors of systems like White supremacy and patriarchy—and that’s a problem,” Moseley, By Mariya. “Woman Behind Viral ‘White Women Voted for Trump’ Sign Speaks on Why More People Need to Trust Black Women.” Essence, 26 Oct. 2020, www.essence.com/holidays/black-history-month/woman-viral-womens-march-photo-why-need-listen-black-women.

In closing, Lorde’s essay still holds true for all the issues going on today in the United States when it comes to race. We are not changing because no one is listening. Her food for thought is that we must seek out the roots of our distortions and look for ways to combine all the issues between white, Black, and all people of color’s problems into one movement, and not ignore one over the other simply because one group has dominance. White women must make a radical change in including non-white people or else they’re just another form of white supremacy with a female face. 🦉

Posted on
by
My cot at the homeless shelter

Known for its flashy lights and high life, 8 million people inhabit New York City — some come with a dream and others were just born here. However, what people want to ignore are the nearly 63,000 homeless that are the victims of predatory real estate practices. Many of these victims are pushed into homelessness by slum lords, domestic abuse, unemployment, debts, price-gouging landlords, unlivable wages, gentrification, or just plain old bad luck.

I had been living in Virginia and fed up with working deadend jobs that I had no interest in working in the first place. One day I just packed my bags and told myself, I’m going to New York City to look for better opportunities. So, on January 16th, 2016, I just cold turkey hopped on a Penn Station bound Amtrak and checked-in to a homeless shelter.

I lived in New York City’s homeless shelter system for three months and here’s what happened.

Checking In

I arrived at one of the drop-in centers in East New York, Brooklyn where I had to walk through a security check. They quickly confiscated a weed bowl that I had in my backpack that I had brought with me to return to a friend who lived in the area. I’m pretty sure those security guards “confiscated” that weed bowl for themselves. But nonetheless, it wasn’t mine so I didn’t care. They also confiscated my laptop which I cared a whole lot about, because I work remotely and its all I had to do my work from. Instead, they kept it in a locker behind the security checkpoint, which was probably a good thing once I learned that my roomies were a merry band of prostitutes, drug addicts, and other women who just couldn’t manage to keep themselves out of trouble.

The drop-in centers are temporary facilities where you’re interviewed to assess your situation. You’re only kept for a matter of weeks while they figure out what they want to do with you. But in this time, you quickly go from being treated like a human to a jail inmate because you are no longer your name, but a number and that’s what you are called the entire duration of your stay. Additionally, you have to ask for permission to do anything and you can only be in certain places in certain times of the day. Like a child.

I arrived at about 8pm I think, but I wasn’t given a bed until around midnight. While I waited, I had to sit in a hard chair in a cold hallway (mind you it’s winter) along with other women who had checked in and were waiting for a bed. By the time I got in, everyone was already in bed, so you could only imagine the hateful faces I earned when the guard turned on the light so I could get to my bed. The bed pictured above is the one I was assigned and kept through my time there. The blue blanket was thin and stiff, and I remembered never being able to get comfortable. All I wanted to do was sleep. After I got myself situated, I just stared into the dark ceiling listening to the steam pop and clank through the pipes overhead until I fell asleep.

Meals

Meals in the homeless shelter left much to be desired. You’re given a meal card to sign for breakfast, lunch and dinner, as you were given only one plate at that time unless there was enough for seconds. The food comes from food banks, and a few times, the food was molded or bad, so I learned I just had to inspect my food. It was hardly ever seasoned. Although I’m sure everyone was greatful for the food, that graciousness falls short when the food leaves you with the bubbleguts. However, I often times didn’t eat the food at all because I worked and could afford to just buy my meals from halal restaurants nearby. When I did eat from the shelter it was typically just the juice and I would give my plate away for anyone who wanted seconds since I was much more well off than many of the women in there were.

Violence

I was born and raised in a pretty hard neighborhood so violence isn’t a new thing to me. You grow numb and accustomed to it and learn when to clear it. So, when a Muslim woman spit in one of the Black security guard’s face and called him a nigger and another girl caught a beat down for snitching and left the shelter on a stretcher, I took one glance over my shoulder to assess the situation and then walked away minding my own business. Because that’s what you do. Minding other peoples’ business can make their business yours pretty quickly. And I don’t have any slots left on my Google Calendar for that. Although petty arguments broke out, they really weren’t that big of a deal. People get mad at each other. They fight. No one has weapons so they can only tough it out with their fists. I’m down for that.

Only once did drama try me and that was one time when a girl came in drunk and she tried to pick fights with people. She looked and started yelling at me “Yo booty big! Yo booty big!” People who do that just do it to try and get a rise out of you and I’m very good at ignoring people. So, she eventually just went away. Or perhaps she left intimidated by my big booty. Who knows. And no, I don’t have a big booty.

The Psycho Ward

The drop-in center houses anyone from normal to the mentally insane. The building was a former school so it had about 5 floors and we were free to roam the building between hours. While roaming, I came across a lounge with a TV on the second floor which wasn’t available on any of the other floors. I thought I had found an oasis! I had a seat on one of the couches and began watching TV, but a few minutes later, a security guard walked in and told me to leave because the entire floor was for the mentally ill. He said he didn’t want to be responsible if one of the nutcases attacked me. Apparently, the only reason they had a lounge on that floor was just to keep the insane, calm. That was enough information for me to gladly leave. He didn’t have to tell me twice.

The Blizzard

While seemingly unrelated, Blizzards have a huge effect on New York City’s homeless shelters. A week after I arrived, the second largest blizzard in New York City’s history, with complete white-out conditions hit the area. The city’s law enforcement went into full force, forcing the homeless on the streets and subways into shelters and arresting any that refused.

We weren’t permitted to go outside but people wanted to smoke. So, while a group of women had the exit door open while on a smoke break, I took this picture from the backside of the shelter during a calm moment in the storm.

The shelter was all nice and toasty and had no windows so we really couldn’t see how bad the storm was outside. Until the next morning when the food truck didn’t arrive because the roads were too bad for it to get to us. There was no food in the shelter at all except a couple vending machines, so we went most of the day without anything to eat. Now you know, that if there is ever a zombie apocalypse, to always seek shelter in the grocery store.

The Bathrooms and Gnat Showers

While I know you may be expecting to hear horror stories of the bathrooms, I really didn’t experience any. The bathrooms were a combination of toilets and large showers. For the most part, the facility was kept clean and the only thing that was dirty were peoples’ bad attitudes. But the only real annoyance were gnats which is a phenomenon I can’t really explain other than they liked to group around water. After seeing those things, I was gnat taking a shower in there. You see what I did there?

Midnight Transfer & the Homeless Doctor

One night as I was lying in bed, one of the guards came in, flicked on the light and yelled my number. When I asked what was going on, they told me I was being transferred. No warning or anything, I was just told to grab my things, wait in the lobby and that was that.

I did so and there were other women as well just waiting. There was an elderly white woman who somehow started telling her life story about how her husband had died and she had a PhD in some kind of science. She had been a professer and now in her old age, she was homeless. It was at that moment that reality slapped me in the face. I realized that no matter if you have PhD or a GED, at the end of the day, if you run out of money, anyone of any income bracket can suddenly find themselves homeless. The sytem doesn’t care and your education won’t save you.

At about 1AM a counselor came to me and said I was being transferred to Jamaica. No that’s not the one with palm trees and dreamy beaches where people greet each other with “Ey mon!“. Jamaica is a section of Queens. In the middle of the night, barely awake, and aborted from my sleep, we were piled into an unmarked white bus, careening through questionable parts of the city, unable to really see anything. The whole time I sat there wondering if I was actually being sold and kidnapped to be traffickked to some black market in some shady section of the city, never to be seen or heard from again.

To be continued …