The hardest thing about being an introvert is the difficulty with helping people emotionally. Because of our disdain for being around people, we try to learn everything we can, so we don’t have to ask anyone for help. This also gives the illusion that we are intelligent, because we seem to be able to do everything, but trust me, not all of us are smart!

Naturally, as a result, this leads to us becoming extremely independent and this self-sovereignty not only affects physical situations, but also emotional ones. We become very good at just doing what needs to be done with no complaining, “sucking it up” and “pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps” because we don’t want other peoples’ company. It’s not that we don’t like you, it’s just that we feel most comfortable recharging our mental battery alone, which for me entails, watching a horror movie, playing video games, browsing the internet, listening to classical music with a mug of hot cocoa, or just sitting in silence.

One of the unfortunate sides of being hyper-independent is that being that people see you as smart (which may or may not be true and is irrelevant really), you become a magnet as the voice of reason. People will come to you for advice because they presume you are level-headed and will give them good advice. However, we have become so independent, that things that others would perceive as difficult, becomes relatively easy for us. People coming to cry on our shoulder generates a feeling of annoyance because we can’t relate to how the person can’t figure it out themselves and that all this emotional fanfare isn’t necessary. Yes, it does sound cold, but we are actually also very empathetic to peoples’ feelings and want to help, it’s just that the process is very emotionally draining to us. We don’t see ourselves as exceptional, in fact, many of us think we’re really mediocre and boring, but we think of ourselves being like anyone else. We have already figured out the many ways we would resolve the issue, so it bewilders us why the person can’t figure it out themselves, despite having a capable brain just like us. So instead, you might get a seeming direct, cold and steely answer which could be perceived as off-putting and we can’t do any better in that moment because acting soft is out of our character and one thing we are not is disingenuous, especially to ourselves.

But no worries. We are very thoughtful people who are aware of your perceptions, so then we spend the next 2 days, ruminating about how we could’ve sounded more nicer to you and will do better next time. 🦉